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FROM: Group Offices Abbey
TO: All Spanish Staff
SUBJECT: Improper Language Usage

It's been brought to our attention by several officials
visiting our headquarters that the Spanish staff commonly
uses offensive language. Such behavior, in addition to
violating our group's policy, is highly unprofessional
and offensive to both visitors and the staff itself.
Therefore it is requested to our Spanish staff to adhere
immediately to the following rules:


1. Foreign colleagues or visitors should not be referred to
as "mira ese guiri de mierda" or "passa de ese polaco".


2. Words like "coño", "hostia" and other such expressions
will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the
discussion is.


3. You will not say "la ha cagao" when someone makes a
mistake, or "la esta cagando" if you see somebody being
reprimanded or "¡que cagada!" when a major mistake has
been made. All direct or derived forms of the verb "cagar"
are inappropriate in our environment.

4. No Project Manager, Section Supervisor or Head of
Administration Chief, will be referred to, under any
circumstances, as "el hijo de la gran puta",or "el muy
cabron" or even "el comemierda".

5. Lack of determination will not be referred as to "falta
de huevos" or "mariconez" nor will persons with a lack of
initiative be ever referred to as "capullo" or "acojonado".

6. Unusual and/or creative ideas shall not be referred to as
"pajas mentales" in particular when they stem from your
manager.

7. You will not say "como me jode" if a person is persistent,
or "esta jodido" or "se lo van a follar" if a colleague is going
through a difficult situation. Furthermore, when matters become
complicated the words "que jodienda" should not be used.

8. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say
"vete a tomar por culo", nor should you ever substitute the most
educated "may I help you?" with "¿que coño quieres ahora?"
.
9. If things get tough, an acceptable expression such as "we
are going through a difficult time" should be used rather than
"esto esta jodido" or "nos van a follar a todos". Additionally, if
you make a mistake, just say so and do not say "que putada"
or any expressions composed with the root "puta".

10. No salary increase shall ever be referred to as "subida de
mierda".

11. Last, but not least, after reading this note please do not say
"me voy a limpiar el culo con ella" or "me la paso por el forro de
los cojones". Just keep it clean and odorless and dispose of it
properly.


P.D. If this note does not achieve its goal to improve the Spanish
staff's language, it can always be used as a Spanish language
course for foreigners.